And I've worked on it, stepped away and returned to it, and kept this up but alas no. It seems this seed is not ready to take. It's awkward, I can't pull the theme together, the words aren't flowing and I feel like I'm pushing to make it happen.
Which made me kinda laugh. Because how many times do we have a "plan", or an idea, or a feeling about the way things "should" be and as hard as we try, as much as we "effort", it, Just. Will. Not. Happen.
In the words of Yoga, waaaaaaaay too much Sthira: >>>>>effort<<<<<.
For a posture to be considered Yoga, it has two ingredients (oh and you, so that's 3!), "Effort and Ease".
In Sanskrit they go by: Sthira and Sukha. Sometimes on our mat, we can find ourselves pushing, really making "it" happen, trying reallllllly hard, and that's the Sthira, the effort. But here's the clincher, we must pair this effort with ease, Sukah, the sweetness, to have it happen with some sense of simplicity and trust.
Or think of it this way, our inhale is the effort element of the breath, we must put forth effort to breathe air in, yet our exhale is the release, there is a sweetness and letting go in a sigh. Or this: when you open a beautifully wrapped present, there is an anticipation, a drawing of the breath in as you unwrap it. When I gaze at a sunset or a crescent moon, it has sigh quality, a letting go and letting in of the beauty of it all.
So my post sits in my drafts.
Its not fully cooked, not ready to be born.
And I'm now cool with that, I am sort of humbled by its apparent unreadiness to be pulled together.
I think life lessons are like this. There are some we just keep repeating because we haven't absorbed the full weight of that particular event/cycle/pattern. Then maybe one day, its not an effort anymore to try to change it, its more a letting go. It's come full circle, and its more a dropping away than an intentional "do not do ... anymore".
The inhale and the exhale. I guess this post was ready to be born.