Can pain become a place that I step toward?
Can a painful relationship, become a place for me to grow?
Can a hurt benefit me in some way?
These are some serious questions that I've asked myself. I have wrestled with this for a LONG TIME. I have thought, for sure the answer is no. How on earth could the pain of a relationship be a place for GROWTH!! No way, I want out.
How do you feel about this suggestion and teaching that our pain can become a gift, a place to grow or and.. mercy, or a blessing? Do you feel like its possible? Have you experienced this?
It took me a long time wrestling with this (even longer maybe to write about it). A LONG time! Many months have most likely been logged here, thinking and feeling into this. As a human being, I don't want to think that pain is a gift.
A gift is a warm hug from your dearest, its a cute pair of Golden Goose Sneakers, its a long lunch with a bestie... its NOT PAIN, its NOT DISCOMFORT, its not HURT.
Lorin Roche wrote in his translation of the Radiance Sutras, Yukti Verse 70:
.... A stab of betryal,
The boundary crossed.
A trust broken.
In this lacerating moment,
Pain is all you know.
Life is tattooing scripture into your flesh,
Scribing incandescence into your nerves.
In this single searing point
Of intolerable concentration,
Wound becomes portal.
Brokenness surrenders to
Crystalline brilliance of Being.
Have we all felt a "trust broken", a "boundary crossed"? Lorin suggests that in this point, this intolerable pain that your wound, can become a place to step toward and through. Not side stepping, not ducking, not ignoring or coming up with a fancy quick witted response.... but to trust yourself and go toward it!
If life is tattooing itself into our flesh, our heart, our body, why not let it be something worthy of its permanence, of a long term stay. We can't keep carrying injustices with us throughout our life, if we do it becomes us. It embeds itself within us and we carry this through our life, to THE END.
April Green in her lovely book Blooming For Yourself writes in a passage titled "A Conversation About Self Worth":
"Accept this as the truth: you are enough just as you are.
You are whole an unique and beautiful, just as you are.
Accept it as the truth - say it over and over again
until this concept of yourself is
pressed into your bones like sacred scripture".
I love this idea, of what we are scribing into our flesh, our bones, our souls. Our bodies are a diary of our life experience so far, so it makes sense that we we go through is pressing itself into ourselves. We are the sum of our life experience so far.
If we don't step through the pain, what are we tattooing into our lives? What are we discussing with our selves, our friends? What are we carrying, permanently? To Yoga class? To meditation? We are keeping it close, feeling like it protects us.. but it makes us small, it keeps us where we think is safe, but it doesn't let the light in, it doesn't tattoo anything great in our bones and hearts and soul.
This is my experience. I'm not writing on behalf of all, this is my space for sorting these things out and then sharing them.
I'd love to know what you think or feel about this?